I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
