Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
