Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
