so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
