A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
