he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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