The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
