In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
