I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
