Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
