You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
