My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
