Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
