call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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