omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
