My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
