your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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