Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
