Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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