Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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