she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
