I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
