I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
