Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
