I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
