One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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