Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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