yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
