woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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