How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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