Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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