They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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