The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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