I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well I just put wine in my tea
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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