The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
