I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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