please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
