I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
