Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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