she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
