People with herpes should wear stickers.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
