she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
only if we run a train.
done.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
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He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
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im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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