I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize