i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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