She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
