I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
