Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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