Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
