she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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