hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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