So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
