she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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