whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
