I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
