Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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