you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
PANTIES FOUND
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