I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i think my cat just said my name.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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