paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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