Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
