I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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