You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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