either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I will pee on everything he values.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
