the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
