no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
