forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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