In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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