Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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