i don't like sucking hair
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
