Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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