I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
