I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
