Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Blood and glitter go together right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
