You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
