Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
