I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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