Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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