I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
