Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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