I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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